My Chalkboard Sanity Wall

I finally got my chalkboard wall. Seriously. I started prepping this wall in my kitchen over a year ago.

A YEAR AGO.

When we had just moved into our home back in 2005 and my kiddos were one and three - I was totally overwhelmed with the move and hired a painter. I LOVE to paint. I've never hired a painter, but I realized my limits with two toddlers and a whole house to unpack. Sadly that painter reminded me of WHY I'd never hired a painter (horror stories abound), as he painted over wallpaper in our kitchen that he was supposed to remove first. Almost 2 years ago I got the bug (ummm ok, inspiration?) to paint a chalkboard wall in our kitchen, so I stripped the wall and there it sat. About 90% stripped. The remainder needed a heat gun to remove and well, a ladder, and time - and thus 18 months passed and there sat the ugly wall. Guests came and went - and there sat the ugly wall. Sounds kinda like the life of a busy mom who works, cleans, cooks, and runs the household! 

Enter my amazing client, Erika, who LOVES to paint. She's my soul sister in her belief in the prep work (90% prep, 10% actual painting)! She offered to paint that wall for me and darn if that didn't inspire me to get my heat gun out, ladder, scraper - and finish that remaining 10%. I patched the holes - she primed and painted it over the course of a week while I was at work and here you go, my new sanity saver: 

I've been playing around with it for a few weeks, and at this moment I'm trying out my kids chores on the left. The chores flip weekly so each Sunday we simply switch the initial above the chores they are responsible for.

So there is NO confusion, NO arguing (um, right - like that EVER happens!). 

On the bottom right I'm trying out a list of my go-to entree inventory. Close up below: 

I plan my dinners out weekly. On an ideal week I set aside a few minutes on Thursday to look at the upcoming week, see what I have on hand that needs to be used, balance my work and kids activities with my availability to cook - and the weekly meals are planned. If all goes as planned I am able to do my shopping Friday or Saturday, batch cook one or two things on Sunday and I've can start the week with a plan. 

In my household my husband is a far more talented cook than I am; he really earns the title of Chef. I'm FAR from that, but that's a whole separate blog post. We divide up the dinner duties so that I am responsible for dinner M-F (when he is commuting 3 hours round trip to work), and he cooks Sat/Sun. He usually tries to make at least one of those dinners big enough to have leftovers for me to plan on for a weekday meal - BONUS. 

You'll notice little notations (the letter U) beside some of the entrees. Those indicate our upstairs freezer, as opposed to our full size basement freezer. This helps me when I need to grab that entree - to know which freezer to look in. I could NEVER survive my cooking at home, and striving to serve my family nutritionally dense food, if I didn't have an extra freezer. It also falls into the category of sanity saver. 

Just in case you're inspired to paint your own chalkboard wall here's a great website to reference. And by the way, guess where I got my chalkboard paint? ALDI! For 3.99 can. LOVE me my random Aldi finds! Now it's something they may never carry again (it was a special buy) so in case you're itching to get started and don't want to hit your local Home Depot, I'll link to some of my favorite tools that can be found on Amazon:

I've been using chalk I ordered on Amazon (simply because I didn't want to spend time running to/from the store - and there's the small issue of going into Target or Staples means I'll come out having found 67 other things I just HAD to have)...

These are seriously my most favorite brushes EVER!

The Best $5 I've Ever Spent...

Years ago meditation was suggested to me as a coping tool for anxiety. 

My response: "Um NO. I don't have the time for that." My counselor just smiled and let me sit there with my resistance, my refusal to even contemplate TRYING meditation. 

It would be several years before I was even willing to try. I started and stopped a bunch of times. I tried and never found any mediation "tools" that worked. I had a really big misconception about meditation. 

I thought I had to do it perfectly. I thought if my mind wandered away from the meditation ... it meant I had failed. 

A few years ago a client shared with me that he had been using this app to facilitate his guided meditations. Now this isn't some Birkenstock wearing, long haired crystal squeezing hippy. Insert disclaimer here: I have long hair, love my birkenstocks and have nothing against crystals; just using the above to paint a mental picture of what this guy isn't...

This guy owns a Porsche, and a Lexus, and a Mercedes, is in wealth management and wears custom made suits. He raved about the app he was using, Buddhify. He had such positive things to say about it that I purchased it that day. It's a flat $5 one time fee.  This was over two years ago and I haven't tired of it yet. 

It has the prettiest color wheel with a diverse assortment of meditations you can use in different circumstances. There is a wonderful variety of voices, and I love the variety of lengths, especially so many short 4-6 min meditations to fit anywhere into the day. 

Here are just a few:

Going to sleep

Waiting around

Pain/ Illness

Difficult emotions

Eating

At home

Traveling

Once you tap on the category you want to explore, you have options within each category. Each one tells you the length of the meditation. 

The meditations vary in length, with most averaging from 4 to 7 minutes. Some are around 10-12 minutes, and a few even longer ones. This app truly has something for everyone. 

I've even gotten my kids to use several of the going to sleep meditations. FADE is their favorite. It's come in very handy when we are traveling and in a hotel room. 

Studies show "there’s evidence that it (meditation) may reduce blood pressure as well as symptoms of irritable bowel syndrome and flare-ups in people who have had ulcerative colitis. It may ease symptoms of anxiety and depression, and may help people with insomnia."1

A few minutes a day, or even a few times a week, is worth experimenting with and seeing if you perceive any benefits. I've also used Headspace which requires a monthly subscription, and Smiling Mind (which is free). I always gravitate back to Buddhify. Buddhify guided meditations have so much compassion built into them they helped me overcome my feeling that I had to be a perfect (non-mind wandering) meditator. 

I find I can approach parenting and stressful situations with far more calm than when I don't prioritize a few minutes of guided meditation. I encourage you to try it and see what you discover.

Coach G

1: https://nccih.nih.gov/health/meditation/overview.htm#hed3

Teaching Our Tween/Teen Girls to Embrace Imperfection

On Chasing Perfection

It took me 47 years to begin to realize that my chasing perfection wasn't a good thing. That the label, a perfectionist, isn't a GOOD thing. The funny thing is, I didn't even realize I was doing it. My own negative inner voice would whisper put-downs and I listened. I listened completely unaware that it wasn't healthy and that I could change it. I had a classic inner bully and over the years I had learned to listen to her:

• You're not doing it right

• You suck at this

• Ugh look at your __________ (insert body part here)

• Everyone else can do it, why can't you?

• Look at her - she has it all together. Which leads to ...

  • I am not enough.

  • Why did I think I could do this?

  • I should just quit.

Lately I've had a few opportunities to observe these same voices in my own house, with my own daughter and some of her friends. I overhear comments like these:

• I am so stupid.

• I don't like the way my ______ looks. (I recently heard a 12-year-old say she didn't like her thighs)

• I can't do this.

Wait, what? These are 12-year-old girls. These are the first whisperings of the trap of chasing perfection. Research shows girls are more susceptible to the trap of perfection, but boys can fall into it too.

Parenting, Perfection and Preteens/Teens

Being a parent is a difficult job and it gets even more challenging during these tween and teenage years. Our children are trying to figure out who they are, where they fit in and they want to spend more time with their friends than their parents. I hate this part, but I know it's part of the growing up process.

Parents have the incredible opportunity to model embracing imperfection. We need to empower our girls to learn to make mistakes with self-compassion. Try speaking openly and compassionately about your mistakes with your children. Help them understand no one, not even mom, dad or their friends - are perfect.

When mistakes are made we need to help our children LEARN from them. Success comes from standing on top of a pile of mistakes, rather than underneath it. We HAVE to make mistakes. It's how we learn, mature and grow.

How can we, as parents, model self compassion when we don't even recognize our own inner bully? That voice that says ... You are not _________ enough (insert happy, skinny, cute, smart, a good enough cook - and so on). The good news is you CAN change that voice. The first step is acknowledging it, then diminishing it. Try switching it to a more encouraging thought (not so easy at first, but boy does it get easier with practice).

 

THREE SIMPLE WAYS TO START YOURSELF:

In the Precision Nutrition Pro-Coach online program  I use with my health coaching clients there is a rule: call out and notice any negative self talk. Keep your ears open for those whispering negative comments said aloud (often laughed off) or whispered quietly to yourself. If you are unsure if that voice in your head is trying to tear you down ... ask, "would I say this comment to my friend? or my daughter?" If the answer is no - flip the switch on that thought and call it out to yourself. The first steps to freedom: 

Listening, noticing, and calling that bullying voice out.

1. NOTICE it.

2. NAME it.

3. Try the opposite. Try a self compassionate thought instead of a self-deprecating one. 

4. If you've made a mistake - just notice that too. What can you learn from it?

5. Learn from those mistakes. Climb on top of them, one small step at a time until you are standing on top of those mistakes, rather than underneath them.