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Pandemic fatigue is a real thing.
Someone recently wrote to me: “Before COVID, I was working out everyday, now that I am not working and I have a lot of time, I am not working out as much and somehow I feel exhausted all the time.”
Sister, you are not alone.
Yesterday I ran a few errands with my youngest. When we pulled back into the driveway she said to me “mom, I am so exhausted!” We’d simply gone to get lunch (ate CAVA in the car), went to Aldi and Costco. That was it. But … my youngest is an asthmatic and this was the first time since February that she has been into a grocery store. She was a stress ball the entire time. She was anxious that I touched door handles, anxious that I used a shopping cart, stressed about another customer getting close to her in the store. It was crazy town behavior. But I’ve also been to the store a lot now over these past few months, and they way she was feeling was a LOT like I felt the first time I ventured out to a store during the start of our lockdown. I distinctly remember picking up a bell pepper and then thinking “oh crap, it has a bad spot but I need to buy THIS pepper because I touched it!” The store felt alive with fear and danger for me. I felt kinda crazy. It was a visceral feeling. Luckily it has subsided a bit (the what feels like irrational fear), but I still wear my mask and try to be mentally present vs going on auto-pilot while shopping.
So if you are feeling pandemic fatigue, welcome to the club. It’s no wonder that feeling of exhaustion creeps in. Our nervous systems are ramped up - and running from the bear. Consider this: before quarantine, many of us had systems, routines in place that were structured. There is a lot of safety in structure and routine. However, Covid has disrupted our system; our flow has been abruptly halted, and now re-routed. Now - we have to find a new flow, a new system - amongst so many unknowns, AND many factors outside of our control - all intertwined with sprinkles of fear.
2020 has been a hell of a year and we’re just starting August. We’ve been confronted with so much opportunity to lean into a lot of weird, hard emotions … like fear and loss. Fear of Covid, fear of getting sick, fear of loved ones getting sick, fear of the economy, fear of our jobs, fear of what is school going to look like for our kids. Loss of so, so much. The end of the school year, spring sports, summer sports, fall sports. In my own case - loss of my son’s senior year, the remainder of his steel band concerts, graduation from High School, my daughters swim team, not to mention adjusting to all of us sharing the same space day in and day out (I’m happy to report that has gotten much easier months into this…). So much potential for fear and loss. We’ve lost our structure, our routines, our rhythm. Life as we knew it - has flipped 180 degrees, and the flipping may not be done yet. We just don’t know, do we? It feels as if we are constantly having to readapt, readjust, and change.
Change is hard.
The unknowns and new stress can really wear on us, and make us feel worn out. Without the routine we had in place - we kinda default towards just nothing. No routine. We also get pretty mentally drained from all the new decisions we have to make (Is it safe to go to the grocery store? Do I need a mask? Gloves? Is my kiddo doing their homework? Do they need help? Will they play their sport? Should they play their sport? Wait - what day is it? Where can I do some work without interruption? Should I check the news? ACK!).
And all this new decision making (often without our even realizing it) makes us feel exhausted, mentally drained. Before the pandemic, many of us had awesome habits and routines in place. Now the proverbial domino has fallen and the whole game has gotten wonky.
Consider what your priorities are, given this new situation. Your priorities may very well have changed. In the midst of this pandemic I’ve found myself caregiving for my 86 year old mom who was sent home from the hospital at the start of the COVID outbreak. We’ve been figuring out how to navigate her lung cancer and hospice amid the pandemic because returning to the hospital as things progress is just too risky for her. This has affected my whole routine as I'm adjusting to caregiving + pandemic living. So if you’ve felt upended by all the change - I get it.
Consider what systems you might try developing in this current new normal. What might help you fulfill your priorities right now? But most of all - I suggest developing an experimental mindset towards getting a new system/routine in place. Know that where we are now won't last forever and we will need to adapt again. We will need to evolve, re-evaluate - and try something different. And this is ok. MANY of us are experiencing pandemic fatigue my friend - if you are, you are NOT alone.
Getting lean, and staying lean for life, is a LOT like the intention needed on the path to financial freedom (and becoming a millionaire).
Being lean consistently for life, not just after a 3 month diet is a LOT like becoming a millionaire. It's NOT just something we can make happen in the short term, nor can we hope to maintain it if we "strike it rich" with a get quick scheme if we don't learn the discipline, the habits, along the way we need to maintain it.
Leanness, much like millionaire status, emerges as a "side-effect" of our lifestyle choices, our mindset, and our daily actions.
Here’s why what you do every day matters. You see, your daily actions either add to - or take away from - your overall wellness. My passion is helping women build a foundation for permanent change. You see, being healthy and thriving is a side effect of lifestyle. It doesn't happen by accident. It's a by-product of our input, our combined small daily efforts and this doesn't just mean what we eat. It includes how we live.
Playing the lottery with your money to try to become rich is like seeking out the fad diets to lose weight for good … rather than creating lasting habits with your nutrition, mindset and movement.
And remember: How we live may be even more important than what we eat.
Waking up each day - hoping to weigh less or have less of a muffin top doesn't translate into losing fat/weight. It's kinda like HOPING to be a millionaire and buying a lottery ticket faithfully each week. That doesn't guarantee you anything or move the needle towards better lifestyle habits that generate more money. In fact - it more times than not COSTS you money. But - making a plan, creating a budget and sticking to it consistently DOES lend a far better chance of gaining financial freedom by becoming a millionaire.
Being lean consistently for life, not just after a 3-month diet is a LOT like becoming a millionaire. It's NOT just something we can make happen in the short term, nor can we hope to maintain it if we "strike it rich" with a get quick scheme if we don't learn the discipline, the habits, along the way that we need to maintain it.
Leanness, much like millionaire status, emerges as a "side-effect" of our lifestyle choices, our mindset, and our daily actions.
I've maintained my 20-pound weight loss for 5 years now ... AND my husband and I have crafted a life free of debt. But this wasn’t always the case. I am the money manager in our marriage and honestly - I went through some dark, rather sloppy financial years when our kids were little. We lived paycheck to paycheck, spending anywhere, any amount, without any thought or awareness. We ate out weekly, I never planned my exercise, or my meals. I kinda winged our daily life - week in and week out. This worked - and I hummed along - until I realized we were saving NOTHING outside of retirement, I weighed the most I’d ever weighed in my life, I was miserable in my body, I didn’t feel good, I didn’t sleep well, and we were basically living paycheck to paycheck. The ONLY thing that saved us was my auto-pilot habits of saving for retirement that had been instilled in me in my early twenties (thanks to my Mom!).
When I began my own health coaching journey back in 2014, I realized our family habits around money, just like nutrition, mindset, and exercise, needed attention. I'd been pretty much spending everything that came in, shy of our retirement savings. If it came in - it went out - without any intention. I realized, much like my grocery shopping and planning my workouts - I needed to tell my money where to go. THIS gave me permission to spend. And that my friend, is a liberating thing! This enabled us to pay cash for our *new to us* pickup truck this summer. I parallel this to the “planned indulgences” I encourage my clients to enjoy. If you plan for it and allow space for it, you often can enjoy it. Our cars are paid off; we owe no one except for our house note. I follow Dave Ramsey’s baby steps and we are in baby step 6 (of 7). Next stop - being totally debt-free with NO house debt.
Money - mindset - nutrition - lifestyle - movement - it all goes hand in hand. And it starts with your daily, consistent actions.
It can be overwhelming to know where to start, I know. But you owe it to yourself to just start. Start small. Do ONE thing - and then another. And look - you'll have done TWO things to move you just a little bit closer.
This January I’ll be hosting a very do-able New Year, New You party inside my private Facebook Community. The best part? It’s FREE! Inside this special free month long support party we’ll take daily actions to build a foundation for permanent change. So click here to join the group … and you’ll be all set to join in these small daily actions that help you build a foundation towards a lasting healthy lifestyle. As a bonus you’ll be joining a group of women who will support you, uplift and encourage you every step of the way!
No fancy gym membership, equipment, or clothes needed! In fact, you can show up in your PJ’s!
We start January 1!
Equipping a home workout space
*This page contains affiliate links for your convenience. For more information, see the FTC guidelines here.*
This past spring my little town was deluged by a spring thunderstorm that brought a historic rain fall to our community. 11 inches of rain fell within a few short hours. Flash flooding occurred. The storm drains on the street in front of our home could not keep up and the rush of water down our driveway brought several inches of water into our basement.
We decided to turn a stressful situation into something positive by giving away our pool table and turn that space into a home gym. The result is a 10’x15’ home workout space:
Here are a few items that can get you started even if you don’t have a dedicated space to carve out.
Each picture has hyperlinks to take you directly to the Amazon affiliate links (no cost to you, but should you choose to purchase via the link I receive a small credit).
These Powerblock weights start at 3 pounds and increase in 3 pound increments to 24 pounds. They come in a set of two are are currently priced at Amazon (link above) about $30 cheaper than when I ordered them! They take up SO little space.
Foam rollers are like having an in-house massage therapist for your fascia. Want a quick how-to on foam rolling? Check out this video by Girls Gone Strong. Here are two links to the 2 rollers I keep on hand. You only need one and if you are only going to buy one I’d recommend the Grid (click here). It’s hollow (yet incredibly strong) and is fantastic for taking on the road. When I was a Flight Attendant I used to take it in my suitcase and stuff it with clothes. The black one pictured above can be found by clicking here.
As mentioned in the foam rolling tutorial video link above, you can find the Tiger Tail massage stick as well as a softer foam roller on Amazon.
Yoga strap for mobility
This Gaiam strap is fantastic for helping you open the shoulders, facilitate hamstring stretches, hip openers, etc. Check here for a short video of a few exercises to try.
Even if you can’t do pull ups - this bar allows you to train the pulling pattern from overhead. Add a few super-bands and you can do a variety of exercises. I am a Girls Gone Strong (GGS) Certified Pre/Post Natal coach. I’ve linked to a few exercises. Click on each of these individual exercises to be taken to a short tutorial by GGS for assisted pull-ups, banded pulldowns, and band assisted pushups.
These little guys are an awesome tool for helping you gain incremental strength. At 1.25 pounds each, you can add increments of 1.25 or 2.5 pounds to your weights. I add these to my stackable weights as well as my kettle bells.
I work with busy women who are juggling work and home. Often that means blurring the lines between their professional lives and their home lives: Kids, housekeeping, meal planning & prepping, laundry, carpooling, sporting/school events, guests, etc. Add in the need to schedule gym time and somewhere along the way their own exercise gets lost in the shuffle.
Carving out a small space in your home to add a few key pieces of equipment can open up a world of possibilities. Think outside the box. Limited on space? Store things under your bed or in a toy box. Perhaps you have a little closet space to store a few things and you workout in your bedroom, living room, dining room, or even kitchen.
If you have some extra space stay tuned - I’ll be posting another article with a few more items that have helped me create a space I LOVE being in. Stay tuned!
Coach g
Make your mid-week dinners a little easier with our local Roving Radish
Our own local meal kit service lands in Howard County!
Photo by windujedi/iStock / Getty Images
The Roving Radish
Another tip I learned from a client...
(I have THE most amazing clients)!
Local Catonsville/Howard County folks ... Have you heard about The Roving Radish?
Their focus:
Promote healthy eating
Support local farms
Connect our community
Check them out HERE.
It’s our own local meal kit service with a twist. Their full priced kit (2 dinners with 4 entrees each) is just $32 AND they have a vegetarian option! The twist? You pick up your kit so the costs remain low. Checkout their website for ordering details and the locations around Howard County.
They offer discounted kits to those in need:
To qualify for a subsidized price you or anyone living in your household has to have participated in one or more of the programs listed below in the past 12 months. The Roving Radish is dedicated to making farm fresh and affordable meal kits available to our entire community!
List of Eligible Programs
- Food Stamps/Food Supplement Program (FSP) or SNAP
- Women, Infants and Children (WIC)
- Temporary Cash Assistance (TCA)
- School breakfast or lunch program
- Social Security Disability Income (SSDI).
My first pick up is tomorrow night! On the menu: turkey chili on delicata squash bowls and hungarian beef stew.
I'm a dirty girl ....
Dirty Girl Mud Run
Inspired by my own Coach, Ekaterina Solovieva (she's an amazingly tough, brilliant woman born in Siberia, now living in Canada) who has inspired and guided me as my Precision Nutrition health coach this past year and a half and she just happens to be a hardcore obstacle racer) ... I signed up to do the Dirty Girl.
Saturday, May 14th 2016 marked the day I participated in my first Dirty Girl Mud Run with my pal Stephanie. I had lined up several clients, neighbors, and former co-workers to do it with me but alas, due to changes in plans and different start times (waves) I ended up doing the entire event with my pal Steph. That was fitting - as I first met her back in 2008 when we auditioned to be selected to train as Les Mills Body Pump Instructors (the beginning of my fitness journey).
I share this with you for a few reasons; the primary reason being if you are female, and you are reading this, and you reside in the B'more general vicinity (or are up to flying in because I've got a guest room!) - I'm going to want you to join me in the future! I'm thinking - a client TEAM DIRTY GIRL. It was truly so .... much....fun!
The course is friendly for all, with every single obstacle offering the option of a walk around without penalty. The fine folks at Original Strength would've been proud when Steph and I dropped to the ground to baby crawl - then leopard crawl - up a hill of mud. I was TOO afraid of losing my shoes if I tried to walk in the mud - so up we crawled. There were 15 obstacles (some were big, some were on fire (albeit a tiny, tiny fire), some were very bouncy, almost all were muddy - but all were totally doable). Due to a traveling conflict in 2017 I will miss the Dirty Girl this year, but I'm looking ahead to 2018. So, wanna join me in 2018? Are you up for being a Dirty Girl with me in 2018?
xoxo
G.
My Chalkboard Sanity Wall
I finally got my chalkboard wall. Seriously. I started prepping this wall in my kitchen over a year ago.
A YEAR AGO.
When we had just moved into our home back in 2005 and my kiddos were one and three - I was totally overwhelmed with the move and hired a painter. I LOVE to paint. I've never hired a painter, but I realized my limits with two toddlers and a whole house to unpack. Sadly that painter reminded me of WHY I'd never hired a painter (horror stories abound), as he painted over wallpaper in our kitchen that he was supposed to remove first. Almost 2 years ago I got the bug (ummm ok, inspiration?) to paint a chalkboard wall in our kitchen, so I stripped the wall and there it sat. About 90% stripped. The remainder needed a heat gun to remove and well, a ladder, and time - and thus 18 months passed and there sat the ugly wall. Guests came and went - and there sat the ugly wall. Sounds kinda like the life of a busy mom who works, cleans, cooks, and runs the household!
Enter my amazing client, Erika, who LOVES to paint. She's my soul sister in her belief in the prep work (90% prep, 10% actual painting)! She offered to paint that wall for me and darn if that didn't inspire me to get my heat gun out, ladder, scraper - and finish that remaining 10%. I patched the holes - she primed and painted it over the course of a week while I was at work and here you go, my new sanity saver:
I've been playing around with it for a few weeks, and at this moment I'm trying out my kids chores on the left. The chores flip weekly so each Sunday we simply switch the initial above the chores they are responsible for.
So there is NO confusion, NO arguing (um, right - like that EVER happens!).
On the bottom right I'm trying out a list of my go-to entree inventory. Close up below:
I plan my dinners out weekly. On an ideal week I set aside a few minutes on Thursday to look at the upcoming week, see what I have on hand that needs to be used, balance my work and kids activities with my availability to cook - and the weekly meals are planned. If all goes as planned I am able to do my shopping Friday or Saturday, batch cook one or two things on Sunday and I've can start the week with a plan.
In my household my husband is a far more talented cook than I am; he really earns the title of Chef. I'm FAR from that, but that's a whole separate blog post. We divide up the dinner duties so that I am responsible for dinner M-F (when he is commuting 3 hours round trip to work), and he cooks Sat/Sun. He usually tries to make at least one of those dinners big enough to have leftovers for me to plan on for a weekday meal - BONUS.
You'll notice little notations (the letter U) beside some of the entrees. Those indicate our upstairs freezer, as opposed to our full size basement freezer. This helps me when I need to grab that entree - to know which freezer to look in. I could NEVER survive my cooking at home, and striving to serve my family nutritionally dense food, if I didn't have an extra freezer. It also falls into the category of sanity saver.
Just in case you're inspired to paint your own chalkboard wall here's a great website to reference. And by the way, guess where I got my chalkboard paint? ALDI! For 3.99 can. LOVE me my random Aldi finds! Now it's something they may never carry again (it was a special buy) so in case you're itching to get started and don't want to hit your local Home Depot, I'll link to some of my favorite tools that can be found on Amazon:
I've been using chalk I ordered on Amazon (simply because I didn't want to spend time running to/from the store - and there's the small issue of going into Target or Staples means I'll come out having found 67 other things I just HAD to have)...
These are seriously my most favorite brushes EVER!
The Best $5 I've Ever Spent...
Years ago meditation was suggested to me as a coping tool for anxiety.
My response: "Um NO. I don't have the time for that." My counselor just smiled and let me sit there with my resistance, my refusal to even contemplate TRYING meditation.
It would be several years before I was even willing to try. I started and stopped a bunch of times. I tried and never found any mediation "tools" that worked. I had a really big misconception about meditation.
I thought I had to do it perfectly. I thought if my mind wandered away from the meditation ... it meant I had failed.
A few years ago a client shared with me that he had been using this app to facilitate his guided meditations. Now this isn't some Birkenstock wearing, long haired crystal squeezing hippy. Insert disclaimer here: I have long hair, love my birkenstocks and have nothing against crystals; just using the above to paint a mental picture of what this guy isn't...
This guy owns a Porsche, and a Lexus, and a Mercedes, is in wealth management and wears custom made suits. He raved about the app he was using, Buddhify. He had such positive things to say about it that I purchased it that day. It's a flat $5 one time fee. This was over two years ago and I haven't tired of it yet.
It has the prettiest color wheel with a diverse assortment of meditations you can use in different circumstances. There is a wonderful variety of voices, and I love the variety of lengths, especially so many short 4-6 min meditations to fit anywhere into the day.
Here are just a few:
Going to sleep
Waiting around
Pain/ Illness
Difficult emotions
Eating
At home
Traveling
Once you tap on the category you want to explore, you have options within each category. Each one tells you the length of the meditation.
The meditations vary in length, with most averaging from 4 to 7 minutes. Some are around 10-12 minutes, and a few even longer ones. This app truly has something for everyone.
I've even gotten my kids to use several of the going to sleep meditations. FADE is their favorite. It's come in very handy when we are traveling and in a hotel room.
Studies show "there’s evidence that it (meditation) may reduce blood pressure as well as symptoms of irritable bowel syndrome and flare-ups in people who have had ulcerative colitis. It may ease symptoms of anxiety and depression, and may help people with insomnia."1
A few minutes a day, or even a few times a week, is worth experimenting with and seeing if you perceive any benefits. I've also used Headspace which requires a monthly subscription, and Smiling Mind (which is free). I always gravitate back to Buddhify. Buddhify guided meditations have so much compassion built into them they helped me overcome my feeling that I had to be a perfect (non-mind wandering) meditator.
I find I can approach parenting and stressful situations with far more calm than when I don't prioritize a few minutes of guided meditation. I encourage you to try it and see what you discover.
Coach G
1: https://nccih.nih.gov/health/meditation/overview.htm#hed3
It Doesn't Happen By Accident
The fine folks at Precision Nutrition (PN) have an awesome little saying: "Unless you're lucky enough to live at a health spa or have your own personal chef: Eating well doesn't happen by accident. So, you have to make it happen with planning and prep."
What is meal planning? And how do you do meal planning?
At its' essence ... Meal planning is whatever way you organize yourself to cook a meal, whether that's breakfast, lunch, or dinner. It is the plan you make before you shop. For some - it's the plan they make after they shop. Whatever works for YOU; neither is right, or wrong. At its very basic level meal planning takes effort, consciousness, intention. Meal planning doesn't really happen by accident, just like saving for retirement requires some forethought, some intention, some effort and eventually a destination, a goal amount. But I digress...
Some people plan a week in advance or a month in advance, freezing neatly-labeled packets of soup and stew. Others may wing it, shopping for that evening's meal at the grocery or farmers' market and picking up whatever looks good to them. Meal planning is a truly personal thing. What works for you may not work for me. The goal is to find a process that is both enjoyable and effective.
Perhaps you have no plan. That was definitely me in my younger days. I spent my 20's and my 30's as a Flight Attendant for a major airline. In those days my version of a meal plan was to buy a 6 pack of Thomas Blueberry bagels, toss them in my suitcase, and live off of those, and airplane food, for the course of 3-4 days. I never thought about planning a meal. I just went to the store occasionally, bought things, and would look in the fridge around meal time and feel lost. This was seriously me even just a mere 14 years ago as a new Mom.
There was even a pivotal "come to Jesus moment" my husband had with me around the hot dogs, veggie burgers and cereal for dinner that I came to rely on as a new Mom. These options were the extent of my go-to repertoire for meals. He grew up with family dinners around a family table. I did not. I truly did not know any different. But this is a story for another blog post...
Now ... Fast forward to 2016 and I've tried a lot of different ways to meal plan. Along the way I've learned to cook a whole lot more and I enjoy the process now, which helps! I've morphed into THAT person who has a white board on my fridge and uses it to sketch out my meals for the week based on my schedule. This may be you - and perhaps you too have evolved your own finely tuned system that's working for you. If so - smashing. Keep on keeping on and consider sharing any of your survival tips in the comments.
My Version of My Meal Sanity Saver for the Weekdays: Here I normally list the proteins I have on hand to make meals from, anything I need to use up (like the goat cheese), plus my meals listed for the weekdays (burgers, gumbo, pork chops, thighs). I normally list any produce I have on hand so I can think ahead to the veggie sides I'll prepare. I also LOVE to make large portions so we can eat leftovers several times throughout the week. My husband cooks on Sat/Sun, so that planning isn't on this board.
Or ... Perhaps you aren't one to have a white board with menus written out for every day of the week. Perhaps the old version of me resonates with you, or you fall somewhere in between. Consider for a moment where you currently fall on the spectrum of meal planning. One "split the distance approach" is to purchase the staples (e.g. Chicken, ground turkey, greek yogurt, cottage cheese, spinach, eggs) and throw them together into an easy, spur of the moment meal. The upside? No complicated recipe to follow. The downside? You may end up eating the same meals (e.g. scrambled eggs with spinach, greek yogurt with nuts, cottage cheese with fruit, turkey burgers, canned tuna over spinach) again and again, and get bored. If you are a planner (like me) this "not-knowing" may stress you out, but if that is the case you may already be leaning more towards my whiteboard approach, even if it means repeating some go-to meals/combos.
Consider what action you might take today to move a little bit further along towards planning your meals. Perhaps you can scour around for some recipes and put together a grocery list for non-staple items that you may need for those recipes. Maybe the first step is to simply start with tonight's dinner. ONE meal, because this mere concept stresses you out. Or perhaps you want to simply start by planning ONLY your dinners for the week, or your breakfasts. Think about your style ... Are you a planner? A non-planner? Or an in-betweener? If you need a template to start working with check out The Sisters Cafe for several downloadable and printable options. The basic template can be used to sketch out just one set of meals for the week (think breakfast, lunch OR dinner), along with a separate grocery list. Or you can go "all-in" and pick the template that has you plan all 3 meals; at the bottom is a spot to make your shopping list.
Remember, eating well doesn't just happen. It doesn't happen by "accident." What has your meal planning style been? And as my friends at PN also are fond of saying ... How's that working for ya?
Coach G.
Teaching Our Tween/Teen Girls to Embrace Imperfection
Is your tween/teen a budding perfectionist?
On Chasing Perfection
It took me 47 years to begin to realize that my chasing perfection wasn't a good thing. That the label, a perfectionist, isn't a GOOD thing. The funny thing is, I didn't even realize I was doing it. My own negative inner voice would whisper put-downs and I listened. I listened completely unaware that it wasn't healthy and that I could change it. I had a classic inner bully and over the years I had learned to listen to her:
You're not doing it right
You suck at this
Ugh look at your __________ (insert body part here)
Everyone else can do it, why can't you?
Look at her - she has it all together. Which leads to ...
I am not enough.
Why did I think I could do this?
I should just quit.
Lately I've had a few opportunities to observe these same voices in my own house, with my own daughter and some of her friends. I overhear comments like these:
I am so stupid.
I don't like the way my ______ looks. (I recently heard a 12-year-old say she didn't like her thighs)
I can't do this.
Wait, what? These are 12-year-old girls. These are the first whisperings of the trap of chasing perfection. Research shows girls are more susceptible to the trap of perfection, but boys can fall into it too.
Parenting, Perfection and Preteens/Teens
Being a parent is a difficult job and it gets even more challenging during these tween and teenage years. Our children are trying to figure out who they are, where they fit in and they want to spend more time with their friends than their parents. I hate this part, but I know it's part of the growing up process.
Parents have the incredible opportunity to model embracing imperfection. We need to empower our girls to learn to make mistakes with self-compassion. Try speaking openly and compassionately about your mistakes with your children. Help them understand no one, not even mom, dad or their friends - are perfect.
When mistakes are made we need to help our children LEARN from them. Success comes from standing on top of a pile of mistakes, rather than underneath it. We HAVE to make mistakes. It's how we learn, mature and grow.
How can we, as parents, model self compassion when we don't even recognize our own inner bully? That voice that says ... You are not _________ enough (insert happy, skinny, cute, smart, a good enough cook - and so on). The good news is you CAN change that voice. The first step is acknowledging it, then diminishing it. Try switching it to a more encouraging thought (not so easy at first, but boy does it get easier with practice).
THREE SIMPLE WAYS TO START YOURSELF:
In the Precision Nutrition Pro-Coach online program I use with my health coaching clients there is a rule: call out and notice any negative self talk. Keep your ears open for those whispering negative comments said aloud (often laughed off) or whispered quietly to yourself. If you are unsure if that voice in your head is trying to tear you down ... ask, "would I say this comment to my friend? or my daughter?" If the answer is no - flip the switch on that thought and call it out to yourself. The first steps to freedom:
Listening, noticing, and calling that bullying voice out.
NOTICE it.
NAME it.
Try the opposite. Try a self compassionate thought instead of a self-deprecating one.
If you've made a mistake - just notice that too. What can you learn from it?
Learn from those mistakes. Climb on top of them, one small step at a time until you are standing on top of those mistakes, rather than underneath them.
